. . . so it makes it safe again for me to post on here.

Wow, its been a really LONG time since I've written anything on here (or in general really). I feel like I'm out of practice but my mind is racing so here it goes.

1) Living and school here in NC is pretty good. Living with my family isn't nearly as hard as I'd thought it would be. The classes are UNCC are relatively what I'd expected (though my 4000 level class is kicking my tail right now)
2) I'm DREADING the thought of filling out applications and looking for places to go to grad school. I just got here and settled and now I've got to up and move again?! Fuck.
3) Working at a vets office while my Dad gets his finance's in order and to get some biology experience under my belt. I always new it would be hard and gross but not this HARD and this GROSS. Its like taking a whole'nother 2 classes plus all the stress included on working on real animals.
4) My birthday is in about 2 weeks. Getting old, 23. This will be the first birthday since I turned 18 that I won't be spending it with Candace and Jim. That makes me SOOOOOO incredibly sad :(
5) So, I'm totally smitten with this guy . . . he's really great . . . makes me feel like a princess everyday . . . the problem you ask?? He lives in MD. Of course. He's coming down in about a month to visit/work out what we want to do. I'm just REALLY scared of letting myself get into something like that. I've been burned so many times (even recently) and just don't know if I could handle something again, not to mention this high risk.

I guess that's pretty much it . . . not a whole lot going on down here in NC but school and work (recently more work then school). I just can't wait until my life settles down and makes sense. I'm getting closer I know. I just wish I already knew what to do . . . but I guess that would take all the fun out of "LIFE" wouldn't it? :P

Its late, I've been up for a long time and had a long day. I've got lots of stuff to do tomorrow, but I'll probably sleep till noon if my body lets me. So while I sit here and stare at the screen instead of going and laying down I suppose I'll "talk" for a bit.

I haven't updated since the end of last semester, and now its almost the end of this semester. Crazyness. I thought time was really dragging, but in retrospect it really flew by. I'm doing fairly well in my classes. I wish I would have done better on both of my midterms but ce la. I hope it didn't destroy my chances of getting a B in either class. I've got pretty good grades in my labs, so that should really help a lot. I feel like I've actually accomplished something this school year. Its really bizzare. Thank you Paul for being my crutch when I needed it last semester. I'm suprised to see myself stand on my own two feet this semester, even if I was a bit wably at times.

The warm weather is really helping to cheer me up. Just laying in bed with the window open and the almost warm spring air coming in really just makes for bliss. I wish I could bottle that feeling and inject it straight into my blood stream when I start feeling depressed. I'm not clinically depressed, I know I'm not. I can tell when I'm feeling that way and its all based on just how I deal with/or really don't deal with stress. I have no idea what triggers it. If I knew or even had a clue I'd get rid of it as soon as possible. I know what the stressor is, and if you know me at all you know what it is too. I just can't EVER seem to get rid of it. And when I do it comes popping back into my life to take yet another chunk of my life/heart/self-esteem. The other issues that bother me mostly can be traced back to this one main problem too. I wish I could just sever the main cell and make the rest die with it.

I need change. I need SOMETHING. I feel like I'm going stir crazy with all the "sameness". I want some sort of GOOD excitement in my life. A spark, a firework, a sparkle . . . I'll settle for almost anything. Just being single for going on 8 months has been a great oppertunity for personal growth, but I feel like my existance is very gray too. Just very bland and uneventful. I miss that cute little nervousness I get when I start seeing someone new, and the feeling of having the world "just for us" when I am with someone. I have all these really intense,  personal experiences and feel like I have no one to share them with, so its almost like what's the point of having them? Well for myself of course, but still, I'm sure you get it.

I'm really not sure what I want though. I want it, but I'm terrified of it, and I really don't know if its what's best for me right now. I know, I KNOW, I over think everything. Just go out and have fun Krista! I'm trying! One more year at AACC. organic 1&2, microbio, speech, sociology, and a bio elective and I'll have my Associates in Pre-Med. I honestly just want the piece of paper to prove I've done SOMETHING. Then I'm almost positive at this point that I'm gonna move down to North Caroline to live with my Uncle and his family, and go to NCC. They have my major and from what I can tell so far they'll except the majority of my credits. None of the schools close to here have that. So this way I'll get what I need and be able to focus more on school and less on paying rent. I'll miss everyone here SO MUCH though. I'm not super good at making new friends, so I know I'll be really lonely down there for awhile. Only 3 more years hopefully! Then off to grad school. Oh jesus. Don't think that far ahead Krista, just DON'T!

Ok, I think that's enough updating for right now. I'm sorry I've been neglecting this for anyone that actually reads it. I've been posting more on my myspace than anything else but I can't really express myself as much there as I can here. Too many people I see on a regular basis read it.

Take care.

Thanksgiving:
Wasn't as bad as it could have been I suppose. I left Laurel around 9:30 wenesday night in the freaking SNOW, and got to my grandfather's house around 12:15am just to hear about how my aunt and cousin had hit a deer earlier in the night (thanks for the warning) then just to turn around and drive another half an hour back to Warsaw to stay in a hotel room with my dad. We got to sleep in, which is awesome. Then the day of madness starts. Way too many people, and one too many crying whining kids. You always think that hey all the cousins are grown up, it'll finally be nice for once, but no, people always have more kids and other people bring their small children too. Joy. I ate WAY too much! :oP Great food though. I slept on an air matress the second night that KILLED my whole body. I felt like I'd spent the day before working out for hours, and not in a good way. OUCH!! I did go out back and sit on the deck for awhile just thinking about Nanny. I was tempted to go visit the gravesite before I left friday afternoon, but I know that she wanted us to think of her being with us all the time where ever we needed her, so to plant her in a firm place just doesn't make sense. My grandfather seemed really happy to have a lot of people around him again too. I know he's got to be lonely, and going crazy with Shelly's two kids there with him. I got to see Xena, my dog, too. She's getting old but she'll always remember me!! :o)

School:
The semester is almost over. Thank goodness. I'm afraid of my final grades though. I didn't do nearly as well this semester as I'd hoped to, BUT I'm not going to fail any of the classes AND I didn't drop any :o) That's a huge accomplishment for me. So I'm trying to be happy about it.
I've decided that I'm going to stay at AACC and get my associates before I transfer. I dunno if I mentioned this either but I changed my major from biology to Pre-Med. Yeah, fun stuff. So I've got 3 more semesters before I'm finished with that. Yes, I know it's going to take me 4 years to get my associates, but I have to keep in mind that I should be glad I'm still in school after all that's happened the past 2 years. So I took Chem1, Phy1, and Calc1 this semester, I've got Chem2, and Phy2 next semester (and maybe  a dance class), then Organic Chem1 in the fall with an english, then Organic Chem 2 in the spring with sociology I think. Yeah I'm not going full time any of these semesters but I can't really because of how the science classes are spread out. Hopefully that'll let me bring my GPA up.

Work:
Work is work. Still waitressing at the same place. Though its weird because even though I've only been there for 3 or 4 months I'm one of the people they've come to count on and trust the most. It's kinda a nice feeling, being so willingly accepted. I've made a few really good friends there too. I just hope that soon I can quit waitressing and do something that I really want to do. I'm going to apply for an intership through NIH this summer. I dunno if I'll get it with my gpa being so low, but I can hope. Driving to Bethesda everyday will be a biotch though. Anyone in the DC area want to house me for 8 weeks? :oP They have interships up in Baltimore too, which would work out much better. I am making good money at Uno's though. It's going to start getting crazy busy with the holiday season here though. I think they said that last saturday they weren't off the wait list until 11:30pm. That's madness! Speaking of the holiday season, I need to start my shopping :oP

Family:
My dad and I are continuing to get along better and better. There really isn't even a trace of hostility between the two of us anymore. Only when he mentions that I could live with my grandmother again for free. No thank you!! This is going to be the first christmas I'm spending with him and my brother in 3 years. I know . . . I blows my mind too. It's definatly going to be a different kind of holiday season. Spending it with my dad, Donna's family is going out of town, the whole "gang" may not be around since Ryan is living in VA, and this'll be the first christmas without a boyfriend for me in 5 or 6 years. Yeah it's going to be really lonely. Not having someone to snuggle up with on cold nights, go shopping with (just to buy nothing), to wrap gifts with, and to go visit crazy family with.

Misc:
- Jim is still the most AMAZING roomate ever!! He changed my oil for me in our parking lot and I felt like total white trash :oP And I mean that in the nicest way possible. It's hard not to laugh at yourself when you're under your car with 2 liter bottles trying to catch oil.
- I've been shopping for myself a bit more as of recent. Not like outlandish or anything, just jeans and cute tops. It's nice to put something on and think "I look really cute today. Go me!". Donna said that I really found my style and what looks good on me because 98% of what I tried on looked fabulous :o) Most of what I bought was longish sleeved and green. A really cuddly sweater, a green floral cowgirlish number (why didn't I ever buy a damn hat :oP ), AND this slinky little purple tank top. They were all SO cute, AND most of them were on sale/clearance. I was proud of myself :o)
- I still can't decided if I want to get my hair cut short or not. Half the people I talk to say yes, and half say no. I need to get it trimmed here soon anyway cause I don't want to start getting split ends. If I get it trimmed that's all it's going to be though, nothing dramatic. But if I get it cut, then its going to get CUT. And colored maybe. I need some feed back people!!!

Ok, I think I've yacked your all's ears off enough :o) Any thoughts on my ramblings? Please let me know!! :o) Take care all!